Have you met this kid? 

            When he was 3 years old, he would scream until he got his way.  He still sucked on his pacifier.  He’s the kid you’d see having a temper tantrum in the store because Mom wouldn’t buy him a particular toy. She would give in and eventually buy it for him though. He’s the kid who calls his Mom names and even slaps her.  Mom’s response?  Whatever makes him happy.  Whatever makes him shut up.  When he really pushes her, she warns him that there will be consequences. She warns him and warns him and warns him, but never follows through.  When he starts kindergarten, he’s always in trouble because he has no self control.  He can’t sit still.  He talks out of turn.  He throws regular temper tantrums, and he certainly doesn’t share with his classmates.  In grade school, his grades are below average.  He still talks too much. He doesn’t complete his assignments. He acts up in class for attention.  His teacher has to drag him to the principal’s office for being out of line. He likes it though.  He likes the attention.  He knows that the principal and teachers aren’t allowed to lay a finger on him.  He thinks he can get away with anything.  What are they going to threaten him with - the wrath of mom and dad?  When he gets home from school everyday, he heads straight for the pantry for some fattening snacks and from there, to the television.  He watches his favorite show and then plays his video games for a couple of hours.  Next, he wants more junk food to eat.  After throwing the wrappers on the floor next to the wrappers and cup from yesterday, he lays down on the couch.  When his Mom asks if he has finished his homework, he says “yeah.” He’s lying.  During dinner, he doesn’t finish his food, and he doesn’t clean up after himself.  He’s too busy for that.  He has more video games to play and TV to watch.  Does he go to bed on time?  No way. Of course not.

            Let’s fast forward.  Somehow he makes it to college.  He spends most of his time partying and waking up at noon most days.  His major is undecided. He just doesn’t care.  After five or six years, he eventually graduates and gets a job.  It’s a job far below even his standards.  It doesn’t pay well and the money he does make he wastes on junk.  So he can buy even more junk, he gets a credit card and starts running that debt way up.  Since he can’t afford his lifestyle, he has to move in with Mom and Dad again. He doesn’t do a thing around the house to earn his keep.  He pays no rent and has no chores.  Why should he? He’s never had to be responsible before.

            One day, he finally gets married.  It’s doomed from the start.  He’s still just as lazy.  He is still just as undisciplined and he has no respect for anyone.  He’s verbally abusive to his wife.  He still doesn’t lift a finger around the house. He still digs deeper into debt.  The marriage becomes so strained, he’s soon divorced and working at minimum wage.  His life is in ruins. 

            What is the real reason for his miserable life?  Is it just bad luck?  That’s what most people would say.  Most people in his shoes just think they’ve been dealt a bad hand.  To some extent, they’re right.  But ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own decisions.  Why didn’t he make good decisions?  Because his parents never held him responsible for his actions.  Because he never learned to respect others. Because his parents failed him so now he’s doomed to failure. Being a success at anything starts with important life skills such as respect, discipline, self-control, responsibility, and integrity.  Knowing what these traits mean is not enough.  They must be learned through example and experience, and they must become so ingrained that they become habits.  It is up to the Character Coach to teach and guide them.  It’s not up to the Character Coach to be their best friend or fulfill their every wish. The job of the Character Coach is to teach them boundaries and respect along with self-love that comes from loving others. 

All of our kids will go through phases.  No one is perfect. Your kids and mine will ultimately display some of these characteristics at some point or another.  The kid in our example displayed bad habits and choices on a consistent basis. The point is to make sure this type of behavior never becomes a habit.